The Act II

Thought it was time for a race report. I think my brain has recovered enough to fire up the neurons that have mostly been in a coma since that fateful day in France. Featuring 208 kilometers that include 12,000 feet of climbing.

Issiore to St Flour would also be the first day of 'serious climbing' for the 2011 Tour De France. Riders in the TdF would be facing nearly 6 hours in the saddle over the undulating and often sketch ass dangerous course, myself ? Over 7 hours.

If you followed the TdF you'd know this in the Stage where Vino crashed, the Media car struck some riders... and there were more DNF's than any other stage. I'll tell you why...

I originally registered for the Etape over the winter when buddy Joel reminded me once again how awesome it was the last 3 times he's done it, so OK, I was in. This year for the first time le tour d'Etape (France's oldest Gran Fondo) added a second stage, during the weekend following the first event that was held in another region featuring the Alpe D'uez.

Based on the profile of the two events I chose the longer distance stage, the Act II, of course :)

To skip all the details of the tour company we hired, and the friends we made there will only save for another story, so I'll keep this report to the bike race only.

I tried to 'apply' for a good seating, based on a brief rider resume I sent to the ASO, which you can do. I really had no idea of what to expect other than there would be 100 invited riders/ Pros with a separate 5 minute head start, with the 'main' field limited to the available 6888 Entry's. Fields broken into 500's starting 5 minutes apart.

Picking up our race packages the day prior at the EXPO, I was awarded with #1188. OK. Sounds rad ! Except Joel and Ash got #'s 1680 and 1682, meaning they would be required to start in the 3rd coral for #'s 1500-1999, and 5 minutes back (of me) start time. Haha.. but trust those guys they managed to somehow sneak into the next (mine) starting coral and we were a Team of 3 once again. Joel and Ash with Niklas Group and myself in full Top Gear, representing Calgary and Canada.

{ at this time.. it's raining and the temperature is cooling, and its raining, and ya it's really raining. The conditions are getting worse and the sky's don't look very friendly, my adrenaline is boiling over... I love shit weather races.

Unknown to us at this time, but the poor weather from the preceding 24 hours deterred over 1000 Race Pack pickup riders from Starting, they DNS because of the rain and the forecasted potentially near snowing temperatures higher in the Massif.

The official starting field I believe was about 4200 riders.

BOOM! The 1st start takes off... the pro's and semi pros... with the First Etape wave grinding their teeth behind them waiting to blast off ! They go off, then the second group, 500-999 goes off.... BOOM !

"The first 90 kilometers is up hill.. great.... when do we get to go dammit ??? "

Roll up, our chute is under the Banner, the crowds are going gonzo underneath their umbrellas and rubber coats. I look around, so many guys shivering, not wearing any sleeves or legs. And then there's the other end of the spectrum with some people looking like they just dropped $500.00 at MEC rain gear section. Myself I'm wearing my Top Gear Team windbreaker, the water is shedding off. My arms are dry and warm underneath the top end Champsys garment, with my CC sleeves on, and some Mavic knee warmers I though it was pretty balmy actually, about +12 maybe ?

During the Roll Up Joel and Ash get ahead of me, about 30 people or so. The 1st group now has nearly 15 minutes a head start; [ yet we all still have timing chips that will provide us with Individual Times], nice.

There will be Race provided Neutral Feed stations all along the race, and our hired gun Tour guys, will also have two separate 'Private stations' for us Riders. Overall I think our Tour group was 10-12 people ?, plus some spouses, but not everybody in our group started the Etape. Again, the weather was more like Belgian cyclocross conditions.

BOOM ! we're off. My pockets are loaded, I even have a 3rd bottle on hand. Some Slayer Raining Blood is blasting in the Ipod, and I know Seasons in the Abyss is coming up next. We swerve and corner through town in about 4km, then we have it.. pure open roadway, no cars, closed course in the mountains in France, for 208km. Cyclogasm.


There is a long false flat leaving Issiore. This is where we found out that not only was it raining, but the wind was coming straight at us and to the right shoulder, pretty much from the W, SW off of the Cantal ( Europe's largest and dormant, Volcano). After a really fast start of 36-38km/hr, the pace starts to slow as we reach the first significant grade, around km 40. I have unfortunately lost contact with Ash and Joel behind me and am Soloing through the masses. Groups as large as 30 are all huddled together behind the wind, being driven by the rain and yet they still hammer on. I manage to go near the front of the groups and look for comrades to work with in efforts to gain more ground on those ahead. My efforts are rewarded, although I'll tell you that nobody was into Racing at this point. It seemed far too 'early' for many of the riders. There would be small teams in like jerseys, drilling it. With other riders as random as anybody anywhere, going to the front and taking a pull. Nice bikes and brand names I've never seen would roll back behind as I kept attacking... making progress.

Over the top of the first bigger climb I'm pulling into an ugly wind. 800 meters ahead I see another Groupetto.. my glasses are blurred by the rain but I can see I have the whole road ahead of me. 25 riders or so try to echelon behind me but I suck the very edge of the left side ditch and just slay everyone into the brutal wet crosswinds. Someone is yelling angrily in french.. , at me ? I pull over to the right to afford more protection to the rider and riders behind me, but nobody pulls through to relieve me... I nudge my elbow... nobody pulls through.

"FK you then", i go hard I pull towards my roads edge and SLAM! a guys grabs my jersey on my left shoulder and is yelling.. I turn to face him, I react to to punch him right in the Oakleys with a hard left, but I grit my teeth instead while others are yelling at him. Coinciding I grab his jersey with my free hand and could easily chuck him into the barbed wire... he lets go hastily. And I attack. After a long rainy grind I catch the next groupetto with the aid of a big downhill. For some reason I'm down hilling much faster than the Euros' ??? Then I realize why, they're all shivering and can barely hold onto their bikes. Motorcycle Safeties are assisting riders, already ? Really ? I realize that the crazy weather Calgary gives us may just be the perfect training for anything France could throw at you ?... maybe thats why Julie Beveridge does so awesome in France ? She's from the Rockies. ?

... The rain never stops, it's probably 8 degrees and falling.

I'm having fun and am now moving into riders around my level. We group up and work together as the longest climb of the event comes near, the Col du Pas de Peyrol. The clouds are thick as we ascend into a mist that simply engulfs the mountain side. Grinding away near 6%-10% incline for over 7 kilometers I don't actually lose any positions in my group, but one french guy and a Team Russia kit rider are basically waiting for me to summit with them. There is paintings all over the climb, on the road, " ANDY " .. CONTADOR.. and many others.

After the Puy du Mary there are 4 other Category climbs. On each one I manage to move ahead passing riders now, but finding them more and more sparse. I pass some Team Sky Pro womans and some SKY regional riders. I'm starting to see double digit numbers and I realize I must be near the top 250 riders now. Wow, how cool is that !? I keep drilling it.

I miss the 2nd only Custom Getaways Feed zone as it was in this big tourist parking lot area where you had to exit the race route and actually detour down into the FEED/ Aid area... F That! I was racing here and there was no way I was tired enough to pull way off the road for a drink, not yet anyways....

The sun starts to come out and I immediately break into a drenching sweat, " Holy crap turn the heat down ". I stop a feed zone near KM 175 and I see some golden sugar covered pound cake. I grab a handful about size of a Shih tzu and stuff it into the machine... all while filling a bottle with the free race juice. Then get back on an Jam hard again. I catch up to the young French guy I'd now been riding with. He didn't speak any english but when I called him, "THE MAN"... he laughed and called me, " the Professional" . The young guys yellow windbreaker and small wire rimmed spectacles made me realize I was now 'In the shit'.

Catching a small group of 6-8 riders on some false flats I don't hesitate to sit in, we passed the 50km to GO sign not far back, Frenchy sits on with the group and I attack over to the far left, going away with nobody responding. All this time we've passed castles and valleys with rivers, and fields of lavender and sunflowers. And hundreds and hundreds of people all out watching us Velo allez allez... viva le France.

With 20KM to go I'm still ahead of the last group, I've caught and passed a couple other riders who appear just broken. A long look back and a Pace Moto is riding with the group, then riding up to me and then back again. He asks me, " you are the Canadian ?" And gives me a time split to the chase, oh great, there is a chase.. It's Frenchy and his yellow windbreaker and he's driving the pack. 8KM to Go.... 5KM to go.... Up hill finish. I catch a couple more last few riders before the final sick 12% climb for 2.2 KM. Several riders in the chase attack Frenchy and he is left behind, they're coming after me. I turn the hairpin and the people are there cheering for me, my knees hurt, "this is supposed to be recreational !" ... ATTACK ATTACK ATTACK ! I pass one more rider as one guy from the chase passes me right at the line.

The 'favorite' from our Tour company 'Olivier', is standing there getting assistance from Petr. They both look and can't believe its me ? ?.. what ? At our dinner table the night before Olivier asked me in strong french accent, " what are your intentions tomorrow ? "

answer : " to crush you ".

Olivier started in the front group, 3rd row, and finished 20th. I finished 27th, and still 1/2 hour behind the Winner. But had earned a handshake from the french pro.

• After a brief stop to warm up at TS 80KM, Ash and Joel continued on the route, Joel finishing really well time wise but of course was penalized his stopping duration, while Ash suffered 3 flats and an eventual broken Lemond frame; to finish anyhow ! no matter what with about 4 gears. That was impressive ! And BTW I had a blast hanging with you guys and would do ETAPE again in a heart beat.
  
  

.. In the end I heard there were more than 2000 DNF's, and the Course declared Closed for Time Cutoff at KM80 because of the weather. With this Etape ACTII declared the toughest ever ?

.. .. and I thought I was on vacation ?